Today I got a comment that I’m “way too willing.” It was while we were all joking backstage, talking about something or another and possibly brains. But it’s all too true.
I’m one of those people that wears my heart on my sleeve. I can’t cover up how I feel, ever. Maybe it’s from being a blogger for the majority of my life? I’m a pretty open person, I don’t keep things in unless I absolutely have too. I have gotten myself into hot water too many times to count because of my big mouth and my lack of a poker face (or mental censor.)
This doesn’t have any boundaries. I try to do everything in life to the fullest possible extent. I don’t believe in skirting issues, I don’t believe in beating around the bush. I’d rather go out there and fail miserably than sit on the sidelines and watch everything.
Quite honestly, I love too deeply. I fall too hard, too quickly. If I count you as a friend, it will be to the death.
And all this being said, there is still a part of me that is absolutely petrified of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, to the wrong person. The fear strikes me and I can’t speak, I turn into a little mute brat. It’s horrible and I have to get myself out of that habit. It’s one of the many reasons why I’m more of an extrovert now.
You see, back when I was a wee little me, I was a big, big shy nerd. I was a little encyclopedia, but you would never know it because I don’t believe I ever spoke. It’s how I got into music, into writing and art and everything that I live for now. I needed some way to let myself breathe, something that made me feel better, stronger, more than myself. What better way to overcome shyness than to step into another role? And that I did.
I wonder, what kind of person would I be if I never learned to sing? If I never got lost writing my thoughts? If I had never auditioned for a play? Would I still be quiet, smart, shy? Would I have even made it out of high school?
I guarantee you that I wouldn’t be that girl with her heart wide open, just waiting for something big to happen. I would still be afraid to know if I even had a heart. And for that one reason, I thank God that I grew.
The Greatest Thing 