Realizations December 12, 2010

Sorry dears, I forgot about you yet again. To recap my life since whenever the heck I last posted… I gave up on my peacock idea. While it would have been gorgeous, I never had enough time to myself to actually work on it. I’m keeping it in the back of my mind for next year though, and if I do manage to put it together and pull it off it will be fabulous.

I almost didn’t go out for halloween. But then I decided to get angry at life and throw on a Greek Goddess outfit (my backup of choice is oh-s0-fitting, and deserves a post of its own in explanation) and raise some eyebrows. Or not. It depends on if the wind was blowing at the time.

I also worked like it was my divine calling. And pulled a decent midterm grade out of my ass without even knowing I had a test in the first place. IN MATH. If there is anything I am good at, it does not include working with numbers.

I discovered that I really do not like working more than 40 hours a week. Yes, it was nice to finally be able to get everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) christmas gifts, but I worked myself silly. And then I got sick and spent a day in the hospital. That was not fun.  That was almost two weeks ago.  I’m still sore as all hell and congested. However, I’m not working as much anymore. This week was only 39 hours! 😉

Please, believe me when I say I’m thankful for my paycheck. But I wholeheartedly believe that it is NOT worth it in the long run. I didn’t go out at all- in between being sick and working, the only thing that I really had time and energy to do was sleep. I should have been a better friend in that time frame, to just about everyone that I know. I’m still trying to repair everything.

This busy streak isn’t going to slow down until mid-January… the semester ends at the end of this week. Then the holidays are going to come in and make everything a living hell crusted in christmas lights and the crumbs of too many overly sweet cocktails and cookies. In other words, don’t expect a thing from me until then. Even though I have some interesting things to share. Oops.

Scrub a dub dub, I can’t seem to find the tub…. August 28, 2010

I know, I haven’t posted anything in quite some time. I went back to school, I fell in love, I started working a LOT more. My family went through a few health issues as well- but it’s all good, we’re (mostly) healthy now and (mostly) happy as well, which is the important part.

I have a conundrum. My family has always lived in a house with just one bathroom. It doesn’t work out so terribly, if you time things the right way. However, if you don’t, you can run into issues.

I can never take a shower when I want to. It never fails, I’ll say that I have work in the morning and have to be out by a certain time, and call dibs on the shower for first thing in the morning. Morning comes round and as soon as I turn the water on, someone is banging on the door that they need to be out NOW and have to take a shower. Or I’ll walk out of my bedroom, all ready to walk into the shower, and someone will run ahead of me and hop in. FOR AN HOUR. So I end up having to go about my day with last night’s hair and stubbly legs, and hope that I can get in before I go to sleep.

This is an issue. My hair looks terrible, my legs are all prickly. It’s been three days that I haven’t been able to do more than wet my hair and tie it back. THREE DAYS. In summer. In long pants, because I’m Greek and I get a 5 o’clock shadow on my legs, three hours after shaving them. We’re going into a heat wave, and school starts again on monday. If I don’t get a tan on my legs again I’m going to hurt someone. Namely, the next person to steal my shower time.

There’s always a bit of truth in a joke… March 6, 2010

Today I got a comment that I’m “way too willing.” It was while we were all joking backstage, talking about something or another and possibly brains. But it’s all too true.

I’m one of those people that wears my heart on my sleeve. I can’t cover up how I feel, ever. Maybe it’s from being a blogger for the majority of my life? I’m a pretty open person, I don’t keep things in unless I absolutely have too. I have gotten myself into hot water too many times to count because of my big mouth and my lack of a poker face (or mental censor.)

This doesn’t have any boundaries. I try to do everything in life to the fullest possible extent. I don’t believe in skirting issues, I don’t believe in beating around the bush. I’d rather go out there and fail miserably than sit on the sidelines and watch everything.

Quite honestly, I love too deeply. I fall too hard, too quickly. If I count you as a friend, it will be to the death.

And all this being said, there is still a part of me that is absolutely petrified of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, to the wrong person. The fear strikes me and I can’t speak, I turn into a little mute brat. It’s horrible and I have to get myself out of that habit. It’s one of the many reasons why I’m more of an extrovert now.

You see, back when I was a wee little me, I was a big, big shy nerd. I was a little encyclopedia, but you would never know it because I don’t believe I ever spoke. It’s how I got into music, into writing and art and everything that I live for now. I needed some way to let myself breathe, something that made me feel better, stronger, more than myself. What better way to overcome shyness than to step into another role? And that I did.

I wonder, what kind of person would I be if I never learned to sing? If I never got lost writing my thoughts? If I had never auditioned for a play? Would I still be quiet, smart, shy? Would I have even made it out of high school?

I guarantee you that I wouldn’t be that girl with her heart wide open, just waiting for something big to happen. I would still be afraid to know if I even had a heart. And for that one reason, I thank God that I grew.